You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
