Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
is it fun? or sober?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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