I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
