Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
