ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
