Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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