Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
