i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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