So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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