I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think your dad took our porno
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
