I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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