I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
