In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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