She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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