just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
