I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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