I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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