Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
