its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize