my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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