and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My balls are so social today.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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