This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
