he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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