they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
