woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
