note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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