My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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