Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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