my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
