your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
