i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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