well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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