yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
