my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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