He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
