So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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