chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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