Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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