I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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