he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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