I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
