I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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