I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
