the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
