I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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