i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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