Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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