You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
