k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Couch. On fire.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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