He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
