u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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