Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
