I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
