Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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