I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize