I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
