people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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