Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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