mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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