I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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