Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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