just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
